Hi! Welcome to a Special Edition newsletter, which mostly just means it’s on a weird day of the week and hyper-focused on one topic.
I have been up to my eyeballs in graph paper, Wikipedia tabs, Spotify playlists, the NCAA website, the ESPN app, and Papermate Flairs. Because it’s March, and March is when we make brackets! Please journey through this very long post with me, where I will pull back the curtain on my decision making process and reveal all of my final picks.
NCAA Men’s Basketball Bracket
I know very little about men’s college basketball! But I love contests, televised spectacles, discourse, and being in the general vicinity of the idea of sports. Here’s my final bracket, please do not ask me how many versions of these I painstakingly hand-drew:
Thoughts:
I’m thrilled to see that the Alabama Crimson Tide, a personal favorite from last year, has rocketed up to a one seed. Their mascot is an elephant named Big Al! And their name is a period euphemism! As a person who will likely be menstruating for much of the tournament, I appreciate the support. I think they’ll go all the way.
I really like that Maryland Terrapins sort of rhymes. A terrapin is a turtle! That’s so fun.
NC State Wolfpack has a silly little logo. Look at that guy, and his…hat?
There are too many Tigers and Wildcats (four of each). Out of respect for Troy Bolton, I have predicted that all Wildcats (WHAT TEAM?) will win their first games. I think I said all Tigers will lose, but that’s nothing personal.
Vermont Catamounts sounds like a cool name, but they could have been the camels or the cows and those are both way cooler.
The “golden flash” of the Kent St. Golden Flashes is a golden eagle (only mildly interesting), but it used to be a golden retriever! There’s no rule that says a dog can’t be a basketball mascot!!
I don’t know what a Gael is and I refuse to learn.
My two biggest predicted upsets are the Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns and the Grand Canyon Antelopes. Great names; couldn’t resist.
NCAA Women’s Basketball Bracket
I know even less about women’s college basketball!! But what kind of feminist would I be if I simply ignored the other half of the tournament? In Women’s History Month, no less! Not on my watch.
Thoughts:
Okay great news, the Maryland Terrapins are also in the women’s tournament, and they’re a two seed over here!! So I’ve picked the Lady Turtles to win this one.
I have the Ole Miss Rebels going way too far for an eight seed, but “Ole Miss Rebel” just has such a good ring to it. Like a crustier and more badass Little Miss character. And crazier things have happened than an eight seed in the Elite 8. (Have they? I truly don’t know)
An assortment of pretty good mascots: Portland Pilots, East Carolina Pirates, Oklahoma State Cowboys (Cow…women?), South Dakota State Jackrabbits (Jillrabbits??)
I originally offered these gender swapped mascots in jest, but then I found out that the University of Hawaii men’s teams go by the Rainbow Warriors and the women’s teams go by Rainbow Wāhine. Interesting!
And the best mascot: the St. Louis Billikens. After some pretty extensive research, I’m still not exactly sure what a (the?) Billiken is. Kind of a troll, I guess? A magical spirit? A “charm doll”? “The God of Things as They Ought to Be”?? Seems…mysterious…and fun!
The Current 2003 Albums Bracket
The local public radio station in Minneapolis often does a March Music Madness for their Spring member drive, and this year’s theme is albums from 2003. It’s a really good list of albums, but I wasn’t that familiar with a lot of them (my music taste as an 11-year-old was not especially robust). I made a Spotify playlist of the two most-played songs from each album (an easy breezy 8 hours of music) and spent a couple days working my way through. Here’s how things shook out:
Thoughts:
Amy Winehouse Frank vs. Britney Spears In the Zone seemed like a hard choice until I realized that Toxic is the only good song on In the Zone. Fuck Me Pumps is also kind of the only good song on Frank, but the overall grooves are way better.
Not once but twice, I had the thought: “Is this song from Stick It??” and I was right both times! Appearing in my all-time favorite sports movie was enough to move My Morning Jacket forward, but not enough for Electric Six to defeat Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
Particularly tricky matchups:
Jay-Z vs. Goldfrapp, Beyoncé vs. Missy, Decemberists vs. Sufjan
Elephant by the White Stripes vs. Fever to Tell by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, which sort of boils down to Seven Nation Army vs. Maps
Legitimately heart-wrenching matchups:
Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie vs. Welcome Interstate Managers by Fountains of Wayne
Both of these were like asking me to choose a favorite child, if my two children are College Ali and High School Ali (which honestly? is pretty true). I ended up making handwritten pro/con lists, and eventually landed on choices that felt good in my heart.
Other Brackets
My sister is running her Disney March Madness for the third time, and this year’s theme is Villains.
The Snacket is midway through Snacket X, and I’m cheering for Reese’s Eggs, Ben and Jerry’s, Nacho Cheese Doritos, and late night quesadilla.
I am exhausted. I’ve made so many decisions. See you on Sunday for a regular newsletter, maybe!
xoxo
Ali
Thank you for introducing me to snackette!